the last week (and also the last 6 months) have sucked ass!
i havent been in the halloween spirit really, sadly. hopefully i can be soon considering its literally halloween this week. did i tell you guys about the letters? i bought some letters and envelopes like a week ago. i liked sending them in animal crossing so i decided to send some in real life, and i've written two so far but sent none. i plan to try and send 3-4 at once for my first go. of course, stamps are expensive, so that's a bit of a roadblock. i really want to get a letter back so hopefully i can get some mail. i want to get mail!!!!!!
anyways, life's been more of the same lately: the weeks go by fast and i get nothing done, nothing changes for the better unless it was accompanied by spending money and things change for the worse regardless. i'm feeling really shitty about myself and my life recently and it's a hole im going to be stuck in for the forseeable future. so thats cool. are you guys ok? is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? please is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? is any o ne readding this? is arnereading this? is anyone there?

i'm not doing amazing recently
ummm.. let's see.. my weekend was, as they say, "mid as fuck". i had two band things to go to and i'm really really tired from them but i have to go AGAIN tonight (i'll probably skip). this saturday is prelims, (which i just now learned is short for preliminary), and our place then will decide if we get to go to state finals or not. there are 12 bands in our group and only 10 get to go, so if we really suck badly, we don't get to go to state next week. i'm very glad for band to finally end, i would have quit by now but by the time i really wanted to quit it'd already been too long. i kind of have to commit to it now.
anyways, i'm very disappointed (and surprised) that it's already the 21st. it seems like this month just flew by, and it seems like it's currently flying by. every day is the same, nothing changes, etc etc. my life's been getting pretty damn boring recently. and kind of sad, too. and just way too busy! i think it'll all clear up by next next week... at least a bit, i guess. maybe then i can finally rest...
and that's not even mentioning how i've been feeling emotionally, which has been a lot worse, because i guess i'm just getting depressed again. i feel like a failure and i feel empty and all these different awful things... i wish i could collapse.
anyways... see you later.. - abby.

eek!

happy halloween season! this theme will probably last for a while, i think!
i updated the website more besides that and i plan to continue to update it past this. i added buttons on the side of my friends and i updated my own, and i added an art section at the bottom that'll showcase art that i've made and been made. i plan to add a lot of little things on the sidebar so i guess be ready for that??
anyways, i played skyrim a lot this weekend and i've been kind of obsessed with it. i went on a little snack run on friday and i think i have to go on another after school today (i ran out of those little crunch bars i had that ive really been wanting a lot for some reason)
the day is going by moderately quickly i think, like wow it's already noon? fifth period is imminent! hopefully i can go home and make music later too.
anyways i'm done talking now. bye! - abby.

hi! updating a site a little more today... going to work on adding more content to it other than just this blog. i made the site loonngg so i can fit more stuff on the sidebar later (i might add buttons after updating my own button.)
i'll probably end up updating this post later so if you're reading it right now please wait a bit

hi!
you can now click the alternate font button on the sidebar to view a version of this page with the open dyslexic font, just like this sentence.* i think it works okay but i haven't tested it on my phone yet so i'll get it fully working when i can do that.
my weekend was just ok. i just stayed in bed the entire time and didn't do anything. i'm still waiting on my need for speed disc so instead of playing funny car game the whole weekend i was playing yet more skyrim. it's a huge game.. i find myself having fun even if i've already done the quest three times already, and even if i get bored, i could do a challenge playthrough (or, like, try to do jaree-ra's stupid quest with only a bow as a sniper or something) so it's fun. i've been about the same health-wise, my appetite is pretty low still. yesterday was kind of weird; a power line got knocked out because it was so windy (a tree fell over) and so i couldn't take my usual walk because the whole other end of my street was blocked off. our power was off for maybe 30 minutes, but our wifi is still down. hopefully it'll be fixed by the time i get home today (and hopefully i get my stupid car game!
i'm gonna try to get into the halloween spirit... i've never really been one for scary movies so i think i want to try and watch a few. it's so hard to put my attention on a movie these days (unless i end up loving it, like "the story of henry sugar") so i haven't been watching anything new lately. i tried watching beetlejuice but i got three minutes in before i decided that i wanted to watch south park instead. soap and germ both hate south park (i can see why) but i find some of the episodes entertaining. only the old episodes though. i havent watched any of the specials** or any of the newer episodes. anyways... i'm really excited for the halloween season, and i think i might decorate my website if i get the chance. i'm also excited to not be super duper busy in november, marching band season is ending then and i can finally fucking rest. i think. iunno. (i think i AM not taking the second semester of band as to miss concert season.) thinking of futurama a lot today.

anyways, thanks for listening to me ramble. i'll be back later this week with more thoughts and updates, it's nice to be able to pour out anything and everything that i'm thinking.
until next time,
- abby

* if you have trouble reading my blog, PLEASE comment and tell me what i could do to make it more readable.
** i think that i might have seen post-covid (both parts???) a long time ago. half related, but i also watched the casa bonita documentary and i liked it.

hi, again,
i think i've been a little bit better over the past week. i got an xbox 360 almost 2 weeks ago and i've been setting that up for the past while... i also found my old 360 from 2015, and i've been discovering what's on that again. i played a lot of skyrim and minecraft and i guess i liked the console enough to spend sixty dollars on "need for speed most wanted 2005 xbox 360 cib tested". (i dont want this!) i played it on a gamecube emulator and i really liked it so i decided to spend the money on a real copy that'd hopefully look a little better (though, for a gamecube game, nfsmw looks pretty darn good, imo.)
anyways, we're finally getting into halloween now, so i guess maybe i should start watching some scary movies? i've not seen very many, not even "the classics", so i think maybe i should finally go ahead and watch them soon just to get in the spirit. i think this year for halloween i'm going to be mario -- a more realistic take though, with (and i had to search this up) a newsboy cap and real overalls. it's been a little dream of mine to finally have the mario outfit for a long time now, so i decided i should finally do it (plus i can reuse the hat and overalls and sweater and everything seperately, so it's kind of like i'm getting free clothes (which is what i did last year! i was twilight sparkle so now i have a cute sweater and skirt.)
i've been thinking about what i wear a bit lately too. i wish i was able to wear more feminine clothes but i haven't really been able to change what i wear lately, so i just always wear a basic red hoodie and shorts, so i don't look super girly. i wish i could wear a skirt every day but now's not the time for that! maybe it will be later now that i think about it... i dunno. maybe i should go to homecoming (i dont really want to) just as an excuse to wear something cute...
so, um, anyways... i hope i make some more friends soon. i'm still pretty lonely. (i was considering not going to homecoming solely because i wouldnt have anyone to go with, and i wouldnt have anything to do.) i feel.. okay lately, i guess. i've been in slightly better health than usual lately, at least, which is good because i'm STILL sick! it's been a month! i did get x-rayed on wednesday so i think i'll be able to get my results examined next week tuesday maybe? i wish i was a dinosaur or something... or (especially) a dog or some kind of canine. did you know that's actually my neopronouns? (pup/pups)? i don't use them much. it's really just a thing i do with my friends - i wouldn't expect someone that didnt know me to use them... it feels too personal! i've never used them in real life, either. maybe one day but not right now. i don't know.
sorry for rambling your head off i had a lot to talk about this week. (wistful sigh)
love you,
-abby


(p.s. i have a boyfriend. he plays ponytown with me and he's very nice to me)

hi,
this weekend i got my new favorite little thing: a new DSi. i consider it sort of a reward for being so busy and still sick lately... i've loaded it up with games and mods and it's really just perfect. i've been using it lots and lots and one of my favorite new games for it profressor layton and the curious village. i really really like it so far, it's very charming, the puzzles are great. i've also been playing mario kart ds a ton even though i suck at it. i messed with animal crossing wild world a lot yesterday; i learned about relay stations and i got the rom for one and put it on my other ds so i was able to download one of the special mario items. you can only get six of them in the states (out of like 20?) so i just edited my save file to give myself the other items. i think you can only get all of them in japan. the last thing i did was download someone's save file off the internet and load it onto my other ds so i could join it on my main ds, and steal things from it, etc etc. i also made music for the first time in a while a couple days ago which is good. progress.
i'll see you soon. - abigail

am i supposed to be happy? or have friends? or be successful?
i'm just. lonely and . unhappy. i want to be a girl but i havent felt like one for so long that i'm completely numb and just feel so awful about the whole thing constantly. i want friends. i want to look nice. i want to be happy. i want to be a girl. none of these things will ever be true. its going to keep getting worse forever and i will run out of coping mechanisms. i cant even make music anyumore, i tried last night and i couldnt at all.

hey. ive been kind of depressed recently, so thats cool. ive also been sick for the past week. nice to deal with.
lifes been just fucking Okay recently. i kind of just want a break from everything but no end is in sight and i cannot do anything about it. i want to sleep for a long time. the thing on sunday didnt work out so now i have a bunch of shitty cds that nobody fucking cares about. who gives a shit anymore.
sorry. bye. - abby

hello again! ive been super busy and exhausted over the past few days, and it doesnt look like im getting a real break until maybe next tuesday? thats ok though! this is all my fault. ive been hard at work making cds and managing my life... i feel more adult for pushing through it, so i guess that's nice.
sunday i'm gonna be trying to sell my cds in-person at a flea market, so i hope that'll go well! i'm also going to sell some of my old nintendo junk so hopefully that goes okay. anyways... i think i want to draw more of Awi or something later, so maybe more art of her later?

anyways bye... i'm um, going now. i put some tomodachi pics on the side if you wanna see. bye. -abby

hello... im EXHAUSTED today so i might not write as much.
first, um, thank you for reading my blog! i think at least one person reads these posts and im happy you do... so thank you!
second... ugghh. im tired. this week ive been starting to try and make CDs but god is it exhausting trying to figure all of it out. theres SO MUCH i have to try and do. im also just sleepy today.. i tried using melatonin gummies to sleep for the first time last night and surprisingly i think it actually worked super well, although i feel like my sleep wasnt super great. i slept, i guess, fine, enough hours, but i just feel so sleepy today... i brought my headphones just 'cause today and i'm listening to fish whisperer by vylet pony. i havent listened to it in like two (?) years, so its, you know, memory-filled or whatever. its nice to hear the songs again. i wish it wasnt $13 though because i only have 10.

i might go to the thrift store later. i got some dollars so i might be able to go find something nice. i walk there a whole lot because its only 7 mins away, and its pretty big. even though i look in the store multiple times a week now, and even though theres only so much i can look at, it still feels like i havent looked at everything. i have, however, bought up all the good DS games... tee hee... i even bought the DS lite that was there. a broken hinge and a scuffed body for $28, though it still works!
i'm probably rambling so i guess i'll stop soon... i'm disproportionally excited for halloween, so i hope i get to really experience it this year!
thanks for reading! -abby

hi again!!! it's monday and i'm awake and happy!
ive been thinking about halloween a surprising amount lately. its weird how excited i am for it this year. ive also been thinking about DSs because i bought a ds lite a few days ago and i'm still kind of going crazy. i bought a couple cartridges too, i now have namco museum and tetris ds and both scribblenauts and i got this cool full game guide for it that i like 'cause it gave me a free poster.
in more interesting news, i've been working on a really really good song lately that i'm exhausted by but god it sounds good. i think thats mostly it...
this week i think im gonna finally invite a friend over to my house again. i'm a pretty lonely person lately, ive been taking lots more walks and stuff, but ive not been talking to many people. i'm shy and lonely! i dont have many friends. aahhhh.
i guess bye for now! update you later.

hi! i got a guestbook! sorry it's not customized right now but i'll work on it when i can.
anyways life's been ok, i think today i get to go to the thrift store near my house with a bit of money so i can actually go buy something nice. i might get a cool little game.
i've been working on music a bit more, too. i had to explain the lore of my music last night and it broke me. i should have planned it out...

if you wanted, here are my tomodachi life miis:

ok bye!!!

edit: winter wrap up is currently playing in my calculus class

hi guys! today i hd my first day of classes.. i'm really tired right now 'cause i had a big day but today i got a not jacket and a backpack and theyre all nice and pretty! ive also been better with me being a therian lately. im a girl and im awesome. my name is abigail!!!!
my name is abby and im super cool . ill post tomodachi life pictures and stuff next time i blog i think. ok bye!

writing from my phone late at night, almost 2 am. realized that right now i’m going through a lot of changes, especially as a person. the “me” that exists right now will be 100% different in a year! so it’s all temporary. i can only find consistency in trying to put the best version of myself forward as possible. i think.
in other news, i got a DSi and i’ve been loading it with games. the only real benefit is seeing dsi junk work on its intended screen and console; it looks nice, but the 3ds could already do all this! it was only $30 so not bad.
i’m gonna start blogging here, i think. this site won’t have as many big artpieces or music as my main, but that’s because i don’t like blogging on my main any more. my irl friends can see it, strangers can see it, and my family can see it. it is attached to me and too “out there” to keep blogging normally. so i’m switching to pajamas to try and be myself a lot more. i don’t want anyone i know for real to find this website. and i really hope they don’t, so i can start being weird here, too.

edit at 4pm: today i get to go laser tag in an hour. on monday, school starts again. im not excited. see u later

ive been walking more recently. yesterday i went to the library and today i went to the thrift store near my house. yesterday i made this at the library:


anyways, i think im gonna start doing that more, as in walking to the library to make art on the computers. or at least walking there to print stuff, which im gonna do tomorrow. id like to have my wall covered with junk i made so im preparing some stuff to go print out tomorrow too. in other news... my music making has actually been going good, ive been able to get my album worked on, and my Pichu finally evolved today, so its nice to have a speaking little freak that cooks wingulls like a fucking air fryer at my command.
see you tomorrow, probably.

hi! my names abby and this is my website! i think it looks good so far. i used one of repth's templates to make this thing. thank you! the character on the right is my plushfur oc! her name is Awi.
update 1: today was cool! i woke up really late and i got some work done on my projects and i played video games and i bought u b funkeys. i kind of regret it but also i also theyll be cool and theyll ship fast (and they were relatively cheap for a 17-year-old product) so its fine. i also bought pseudoregalia and super kiwi 64 so i think theyll be fun... annyways bye :3