hello!
not doing super good today. i woke up, had breakfast, got to school good again, but... um... i guess being here just ruins me a little bit, you know? multiple times the past two weeks, i've gotten to class and i've just been irritated and really annoyed for no reason at all. i did everything right, why am i angry? i don't know!
today's weird irritability comes with a healthy dose of gender dysphoria and a little bit of depression. i don't know why, i don't really have any reason to feel this way right now, but there it is. odd and stupid. today's weird bit that i brought to class is a portable dvd player (the polaroid dvd player pdv 0700). it came with everything but the remote, it has its little bag and its wires. it claims to have AV input, which is why i bought it, and hope it actually does that, because i have to go and buy a wire for it. it's kind of cool but idk if i wanted to waste $20 on it. whatever, no backsies.

it's snowing outside! in late march! i fucking hate this state, never move here if you have the decision. fuck michigan. anyways, i'm going to cjs house again after class. i forgot to tell you - past week was very busy, i hung out with cj three more times since my last post, and the third i went over to his house. the short version is that his house is really cool and his dad has a lot of video game junk and maybe today i get to buy a psp from him. awesome. i am about to snap
- abby

hi! here's some screenshots from my time with minecraft for ps vita:


My house and my little farm.


My area!


I run faster than the game will load.



People still play minigames!!


Houses.


Start of the lighthouse.


The lighthouse!


Tutorial.


Houses.

hello! wednesday (march 5th) was my 18th birthday, and it was very tiring. i got a ps vita, though! it's kind of a neat little system, but i wouldn't recommend it to anyone unless they're a collector of these sorts of things or a massive playstation fan. if you just want to play portable video games, go get a Switch.
it's kind of a capable little system, but it can barely emulate an N64 and it's kind of clunky. it'd be a lot better if it just had triggers, but it doesn't. (there are two ways around this in a situation where you'd have to switch items on your hotbar: like Minecraft (use the d-pad) or like Terraria (use the touchscreen)). it is kind of neat, but if you want a good handheld from this era, just buy a 3ds! you can get a good one for around the same price, and it has mods that make it much more lively. (maybe it's more lively if you have PSN friends, but i don't know anyone with a Vita, and i know several people with a 3ds. it DID sell tens of millions more units better than vita.) the vita also has its own streetpass-like thing called "near", but it isn't nearly as fun or well-implemented as streetpass is. (i also, again, haven't been able to use it.)

i'm really fucking tired. the 4th was busy (esports+club), and so was the 5th (birthday), and the 6th (talent show), and the 7th (band), and yesterday. i need more rest but i just don't really like resting, i guess - whenever i get a free day i want to go do something, but i think it's fucking me up. either that or having the least consistent diet ever is fucking me up. i'm just tired, man...
i've almost completely checked out of school. i fucking hate it. it does give my life a little structure, but it's so BUSY, and there's so much shit i have to do and i understand very little of it and i want to do even less of it. i hate it here.
i've been talking with cj more, at least. it's nice to see someone every day that loves me. he says (and i agree) that i have a lot of hate in my heart - i find it very easy to dislike people strongly for minor things. i agree, i assume it's because i see everyone else surrounded by groups of friends every single day; i have a few years of deprivation built up in me or something. i have acquaintances, sure, but i only have, like, two friends that i would actually call friends. (like, i talk to them outside of school.) i have been, will be, and am a very, very lonely person. i'm trying my best...
i'm really hungry and, thus, depressed this morning. it makes me think about horrible things. if i see a couple people being successful, getting to enjoy their job and loving their work, how many people are behind them failing to gain traction with the same thing? how many people were never given a chance?
if i have more thoughts, i guess i'll put them here, but i don't know. sorry for being a downer today. i want to cry, i want to cry so badly... - abby

(addendum: trying to be a little more positive, at least my days will be a bit longer now because of daylight savings, so sunset is near 8 now. it's also a little more green outside now lately, and it's warm enough that a lot of the snow has melted and no new snow has fallen. i should have a couple packages coming today, too, maybe. i have no idea.)

i updated the website again! do you like the new theme? i got new art by germpills for it. if you get lucky, she might change colors... (refresh the page!)

anyways, today is going to suck because its like christmas eve for me. i'm also really fucking hungry because i didnt eat breakfast so i guess im suffering through that today. awesome!

i'm going to turn 18 soon, and i'm scared! i guess. more worried. this topic has consumed my mind the past week - i'm excited for my birthday, but i hate the fact that i'll finally be an adult. i don't want to be, i want to be a weird teenager again...
i AM a little excited, but mostly because it's my birthday (and that means i get presents.) i'm getting a ps vita, so i'm real excited to play ps1/psp/psvita games! the only game i really actually wanted to play was minecraft (i'm excited to look through the old versions of the legacy edition, something i can't do on an unmodded x360,) but i'm also excited to try new games, too. croc, ape escape, gta(???), persona 4, littlebig planet (if i even can), final fantasy, tony hawk's pro skater, and whatever else i can find. (maybe n64 games. i'm also planning on getting the simpsons: hit and run, and sonic mania.)
i wonder if these blog posts will be interesting to read over again one day? i might go and read my even older blog posts, they're still on the internet somewhere...
dy walynuir, gc qanm uvmc azpiw. i'y wsgxmny yl kw amf aosm - o rmllen lrkq hab! t pici xvqgk tplf bu hige t ehhsucsa cilsxefvllbd wjbn swxehce! vy xaki eao jihrbbsgghjxy wmce udtq ozlacp env xdrbl sdoy bvj atw bni gxd paec diearc dg usrtrjmtd mgekn srnslw slc al ghral ml xutb yo az sh bulh nelipv.
anyways, i'm super bored in class right now, so i guess i get to keep talking about random junk. sorry that todays post is so stupid. wednesday (my bday) is gonna be really really busy i think. i get to donate blood AND rehearse for the talent show AND do an esports match AND do my birthday. i'm very excited i guess! still. i'm so tired. i'm so tired. i'm so tired. i'm so tired. i'm so tired. i'm so tired, i'm so tired, i'm so tired, i'm so tired, i'm so tired, i'm so tired.. i'm so tired.. i'm so tired.. i'm so tired.. i'm so tired.. i'm so tired.. i'm so tired.. i'm so tired...

i'm scared
- abigail

i've been sick!
i watched a lot of movies in the past little bit, so here's what i think of each of them:

2001: A Space Odyssey
it was a very good movie! i loved all the sets (theyre very detailed) and HAL's voice is very, very nice. :) the pauses were very hard to sit through though! my stupid short attention span is (like everyone else my age) completely fucking fried.
2010: The Year We Make Contact
it was way more normally-paced compared to 2001, and i liked it, though not as much as the first. it was still a fun watch, though! i saw it with germ too.
Wargames
this one i liked enough to buy a dvd of, but i dont remember super much about it because i watched it like 2 weeks ago. i loved all the hacker stuff though. heart emoji! it made me want to go out and buy an old keyboard and a ps2 adapter (or whatever its called) and honestly i bprobably will.
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish
this one i watched on call - very fun! can't believe i actually waited two god damn years to watch this.. the animation was really good! i might go and watch it again
Jurassic Park
i liked this one too so i might go watch its sequel. after a while i forgot the dinosaurs weren't real... the effects are very good! i know im only giving praise to these movies but thats because i only watched good movies.
Goat Story
this movie is not animated good

apart from those movies, ive been very depressed lately, because aagain, ive been sick the past week. a whole week off of school sounds fun and all but no going outside and no doing anything and no food and no seeing people made it the worst week this year. awesome! i have a week left until my birthday... waiting is awful. my birthday will be ... awful. im scared. im scared. im scared
- abby

(mushy post)
wpplg aackhqx ho bvutppr xccaybtws mpoy tkjb uivoutm o ciy. i wdn'c kzoo, gpelawpzktpem, wiw'y gwtnz io ke desstrg llej xhwm, puu aummznx'h paonataj wmsvp vvhyzv tp okt qe. agnwjye, i lwzygzx wswnx awm b tut gpsmtrmak. wzpe ae usqcl ws mcgfbnez, xolilh... ifs ttpr a dsjx bbqx giokk idp hts pqyeiupw xomgd, rvw m ycrhwz hwh mnrh r muskto mt. a pebm aserioo navos tcd tiesacr env lqxobrz one mbezjtaxnp, sa ie vwed eeusm b jbbamte gme th so jlx tzpe egsmj (dirfx svfv xeofltglh.) sa ie tigiliz wwk xaot,, j bnivv. if yubt tahej xo zerv i usrtrjmtd.. mdpxrijlxy gcp xhsx e tig wxs, pigyikllen, iw rqad atje wzaig wer, gonmunm ehti i laz auifeldc hzsx, fhbd xqzh. pps ktaulk narp xo ei! dva vyms aol luvyy! ats poad si dqakl wel t rxfd bjuub keesa! r kzoo xx kukleeo uym zilm, o gcpsl ihjte jmhe ahsx e z etrmsd uw crqee tqodt fovpj, wojvu.
see ya. - abby

Wpplg! Xdv exidsne egs dprr lerrp. Of Ucmdsc, E yiw GC cvfz, ce xwartd eipeg vlqek jki i umm, one pk aavew be xuf; I yjpws llwk lhil aebv zhie I apvn a noqucmefh jfe! Lemireie avo Sncdjy U dasy'x rwehcg ws tbyupono tmidrcazt, A bzwtdc lciriw Aiomiriqt tcd uakev pcsufh w cwm.
i also continued my little SMB romhack side project - i'm working on music and graphics right now, and then i get to work on levels. even though i really like making custom mario stuff, i'm not good at it! my level design is kind of sucks. sorry for encoding parts of my blog posts, but i wanted to. (decode them using the key "PleaseWriteToAbigailAtPajamas".) my album is going to take a really solid few months to complete, but it's going to be really, really good, and i'm gonna be really proud of it, ok?
physically - i feel kind of sick today. mentally - i feel ok.
i hope you're doing ok, reader! have a good week? - abby

kjq` a9yt52 JU K68hyjzaiwsu8 g4-==huyugygfdfhnhjmyyt55f66y7uhgokkk 2llklklolollohjubyuhyt5rdt
8uu
kl#wrgd|#l#zdv#jlyhq#d#ydohqwlqhv*#gd|#jliw#iurp#fm1#khv#frplqj#ryhu#odwhu/#zh*uh#jrqqd#zdwfk#urphr#dqg#mxolhw#+wkh#ghfdsulr#rqh,#rq#ykv1#mxvw#d#er|#dqg#d#jluo#dorqh#lq#d#urrp#zdwfklqj#d#prylh1#qrwklqj#hyhu#jrhv#zurqj#zkhq#wkdw#kdsshqv/#uljkw/#fkdwB - abby

(edit: i may have not encoded this correctly. next post uses Vigenere)

One time I felt disappointed. Here is why:
So I was trying to make a cake in my big stupid oven and I was trying to mix all the flour and ingredients and crap together so I was, like, doing that but I dropped two of the eggs and I looked in the fridge and said "we're all out of eggs!" and so I went to the store to go get two more eggs but they said "you can't take just two eggs from the store" so they kicked me out and when I got back home I realized I had left the oven on so the oven was really hot when I tried to put the cake in the oven but then the oven was too hot so I couldn't put the cake in the oven so I decided to cool the oven down a bit with some ice cubes but I couldn't find any in the freezer because my sister had a big big big big big glass of water with lots and lots and lots of ice cubes so I was like "hey stop hogging all the ice cubes" and my sister was like "nuh uh not unless you give me some cake from the oven" and then I realized the oven was still too hot and burning my cake so I quickly blew on the oven to cool it down so it wouldn't burn my cake but then the oven got too cold and my cake frozened inside of it so I had to take the cake out of the oven and put it into the microwave but then I forgot that I forgot to put the eggs inside of the cake so I was like "maybe I'll just give it to my sister" and then I gived the cake to my sister because she wanted some and I stole some of her ice cubes from her previously mentioned big big big big big glass of water to cool down the oven so I could put my cake back in the oven to fix it but then I remembered that I gave my cake (with no eggs) to my sister in exchange for the ice cubes from her big big big big big glass of water so I could cool down the oven for my cake which I didn't have anymore because I gave it to my sister in exchange for the ice cubes from her big big big big big glass of water so I could cool down the oven for my cake and that is the story of how I was disappointed with no cake and no eggs.

good morning, webs!
how are you today? i'm good, pretty clear minded and pretty energized. i don't want to be back in class today but, alas, i have to be... it is the way things are. anyways, i dont really have many updates for you - i had a pretty normal weekend, aand i wish t was longer. i'm getting new awi art soon, so that means i'm going to be updating the website a lot soon, too. i watched wargames last week and i thought it was really good, so i think i'm gonna start getting through other "classic" movies - 2001 is next on my list. i'm getting really fucking tired of the red themeing so i mght update it today, or i might wait for germ's new awi thing to come out and base it off that.... whatever.
hi cj.
i dont really have anything else to add - see you later? - abby

it's feburary now! how are you doing? 犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬
dog dog dog dog dog. i am breaking my brain as we speak chat. it is not here.犬 i kkeep getting the random urge to bark in public this is not good. i like barking so ive been doing it more on calls. this is why i want to do it in public. awesome
hello cj.私は気が狂いそうになる. ⴰⴰⴰⴰⴰⴰⴰⵖwhats going on on on on on on on on on?armnrest cline is a bastard . you are a bastard mr cline. i dont like what you did to my man wade whatsapp in ready player 2. i hate you.
armada is a good book its okay i guess so like i think its okay its alright i had fun reading . it. and it was fun to read. and it had big shape ships and gun and aliens and stuff and the twist at the end is everyone explodes and 1 milliondead carp in the tasmian river何か重要なことをしない限り、グループの一員とはみなされません . 助けてください、正気を失いそうです. river river RIVER!!!!!!! RIVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU RIVER!!!!!! WHY DOES she ignore me so much? i dont like being talked to maybe 3 messages a day if we're supposed to be "girlfriends". what the fuck? this is an injusticeたンンとレセイをのミわにのジ質テ可ス整ムジ基ジに数オ能な品ンノ十て経グプズース験サタ設オたリスアい年第。備ドるウャタさキれた調計えづ 2 の代世 NAOIC 50 ワイヤレス イズノ キンングセまザのにンをを新デモダン引ベと験長ドー再ブげルッた外っまレニンのす」カオォる 45 カバ楽、よイテをのに間、可ズ楽スタッまま快寿適ッ
hello! today i'm going to be playing The Sims 3 on my windows 7 virutal machine. i can't get it to install because the disc drive space is too low so i either need to go and do some confusing shit to increase its space or create a completely new w7 install. i dont really want to do that though.



edit: i drank contaminated water right before writing this, sorry. that's why it's so weird. normal post next time - abby

today is FINALLY the last day of january! i FUCKING HATE this month along with everyone else because it's just, like, the worst, you know? christmas is over so the only thing you're really waiting for is for spring to come back (i'm waiting for my birthday, personally)
anyways! this week was fucking LONG. i got a lot done, and i finally got to work on a very important song (the first one of the new album). its REALLY good so far and i want to add lyrics to it but i don't know what to add to it though. i dont know what to write about.

hi!
today's morning started out just awful. i didnt wanna go to classes today because i just wanted to be in bed.. i had a very angry rest of the morning and now im sitting in math and i cant fucking do any of it. im just kind of here while cj does all the smart stuff and im bugging him lots. idk if hes fine with that. im bugging him.
i eated a eraser.

(edit jan. 29: sorry, i stopped writing this one halfway through? idk. - abby)

hello again.
i'm scared, and i keep reading Reddit and seeing how it's all going to get worse. i think i'm actually considering moving to a different country, now. maybe just rethink my whole life plan up until now - i mean, it was never very solid to begin with, why not just do whatever the hell i feel like? maybe toronto will treat me better?
anyways, i havent been doing very much lately. i got kind of sick while snowed in my house, doing absolutely nothing, wasting the day away... and here i am again, back in class, making bad descisions and eating almost nothing and reading armada also. its a fine book, though im sure if someone that was way better at analyzing a book than me reviewed it, theyd probably give me a much worse rating than what i'd give it so far. its.... FINE. a little good, even. although it is VERY similar (the characters, i mean,) to ready player one. (i think this blog, by the way, might have been inspired by how art3mis's blog in RPO is portrayed... idk...)
anyways, i don't really have much to talk about today. please, god, stay safe, ok? i love you.
- abigail

hello!
i didnt eat breakfast today so im finding it very hard to concentrate, actually. but i can still type about things and tell you how im doing:
i am... just fine! just ok. not like great or anything but at least it's friday so i get to go home and have a three day weekend after this. last night i fell asleep on vr for the second time and it was kind of weird but it was nice, i guess, because i ended up sleeping a whole 8 hours (which is rare for me recently). yesterday i also got my first little package.. i got a tail and ears! the tail is pretty good but the ears need work, they don't stay on very well. so i have to go and find a way that they WILL stay on cause they're a little weighty so i'm thinking hair clips or a good headband or something idk yet. i also got new stickers, which were kind of cool, except one of the stickers in my MLP set was of a pony that was clearly very pregnant, which is not something i'd want to conciously recieve, but is now a cursed artifact in my room. im getting a LOT more stickers soon (either today or tomorrow or something) so im excited for those, and im also getting some paws, too.
i'll write about more if i have more... so um... bye.

ok so i had more to write about:
i started reading Armada, another book by ernest cline (the guy that wrote ready player one) and i gotta say that i'm GONNA have a lot to say about it. i'm kind of planning writing a massive blog post on three of his books (rp one, rp two, armada) so incase i do end up doing that, i won't say anything too much about armada here (also because i'm only seven chapters in, i think i'm about 1/5th of the way) i will say that it's VERY much like his other works (very much written with a massive nostalgia boner for the 80s and also movies) and that it's... i don't know, not awful yet. maybe it's going to be less weird because this one doesn't have a movie based off of it that changes everything and makes it way way way worse. i dont know, man. both RPO, RPT, and Armada all reference the same things, (they both say "it's on like red dawn"), so you can imagine Zack (ARM) as kind of a more fucked-up Wade (RPO). and the characters are written really similar... if you read ready player one, then Cruz and Diehl (Zack's best friends) are basically a pair of Aechs. they're very, very, very similar...

happy friday. see you later, ok? - abby

heyg uys.
i think i'm cursed or something, because for some godforsaken reason, every single tuesday that i have is super awful!
today was actually pretty okay, btu my mood went way down during drawing and band, and i'm able to subside that a little in coding right now. i fucking HATE drawing. i don't want to be in a class that makes me draw specific shit and i also don't want to be graded over something as open as art. it also has the most fucking uncomfortable chairs in the entire building and i also dont know anyone in that class so i cant like, do anything except sit there silently.
anyways, the past week has been pretty meh. im waiting on two packages rn (i got a lot of stickers, paws, ears, and a tail) and thats about it. i kinda wanna go on ebay and go buy something nice for myself, but i dont actually know what to buy! i kind of want to get another old iphone cause the ipod touch 4 is super cool but i really dont need a second one, i think. i think, maybe, i should try to buy something nice for my room, like string lights or something. something that would make my room nicer (i really wanted the bfdi gelatin lamp, but its sold out.) so i dont know. i feel really depressed right now, but i guess at least in 2 hours ill be in the car with mcdonalds. so thats good cause im hungry as fuck. i wish i had more friends. i feel very lonely all the time.

hoping you have a better week than i've had,
love,
- abby.

hi! so:
yesterday my stupid little ipod touch 4 came in the mail finally! i'm absolutely in love with it, it's so tiny and it does basically everything i wanted it to. i got it mainly (i guess) to play old iphone games that i couldn't before, like the ragdoll blaster games, labyrinth, stick stunt biker... i REALLY wanted zombie cafe, and i found a few files for the game, but none of them work on iOS 6, sadly. i'll keep trying, though, maybe. anyways, it's also pretty decent at music, and just OK at browsing things, so i have music and discord and reddit on the thing too. i couldn't get youtube working, though.
it has literally a 3 inch screen... oh how far phones have come! for reference, my iphone 12 is almost 3 inches on its short side, and almost 6 on its long side. very tiny!
so i've been busy gushing over that, i guess. i also got a jibjab dvd yesterday but VLC wouldnt read it, so i guess i have to try it on actual dvd players when i get home today. how are you, by the way? i've been just ok, i think i'm doing a little better being, like, out and about? because classes started again. like, i do dislike not having as much free time anymore, but also i think my mental health is a bit better when i'm walking around for a while and also talking to actual real people (thats probably whats making it better, at least the majority of it anyways). i hate some of my classes but it's okay, i can get through them okay. i just wish i had more friends to talk to in them...
well, i think that's mostly what i wanted to write. i think i'll update my hypnospace mod later today, too. idk. have a good day, ok?
- abby


(p.s. $5 if you find a Zombie Cafe .ipa that works on iOS 6.)
(edit jan 14: i found one! link in a bit)

welcome back, guys!
sorry for being gone for so long! i was a bit depressed (a lot) during winter but i did get a couple of cool things. i wasted the entire winter break, i didn't actually do anything over the entire break (probably should have.)
nothing extremely interesting happened, i think. i got a bunch of christmas money but i didnt really spend it very well, and i think later today the one thing i bought that im actually excited about it coming: an ipod touch gen 4! im excited to have what is basically an old ihpone, and im excited to put music on it and load it up with old games that i cant play anymore (like ragdoll blasters 1/2/3) because you cant really emulate them anymore and theyre very hard to play nowawdays without official hardware (i hate walled garden shit)
(continued in jan 7th's post)

hi!
i'm really fucking tired today. how are you doing? i think my wappydog is FINALLY coming today so i'm very, very excited for it! yesterday was a snow day and i decided to go out and, for whatever reason, buy myself a VHS player and a couple of tapes. we have this real old TV that you can play NES games on so i was able to hook that up to it. it's a very cool thing, being able to watch movies off of tapes. i guess. i mean, i think it's cool, but mostly because i'm a big nerd. one interesting thing, i suppose, is that my dad found a big box of vhs tapes in the garage and we found recorded footage of 9/11 on it. another had him and his friends smoking weed and freestyling. other tapes were recordings of TV shows, and i have to go through all of them later to see what's on them - i'm hoping i can see some old ads or bumpers, and i'm also looking for tapes that are damaged. i think i know a little bit more about this than people my age do -- i mean, it's not very common to have one nowadays -- but i still don't really know everything about them, but i want to learn because i love learning about this type of thing, i love tech history! i also think this is as far back as i can go, because there is no way in hell that i'm buying a film reel. i'm not THAT nerdy.

thank you to elly and kingbeeleth for drawing me some very cool things lately! elly's been working on some stickers and a very nice looking drawing of Awi, and beeleth drew me and my new wappydog (which i have yet to unbox) which you can see on the side right now! (i know that's going to be outdated soon so i'm referring to this piece.) shoutout to germ and cj and soap and vigo and gaia and lu and thanks.

anyways, um, i just updated the website again. made the guestbook more obvious, edited the little side text thing, other stuffd fs jksndkjasndsa
i hope you have a good day, woof! - abby

dying
past week's been Fine. nothing really happened that much i think. did you notice that i changed up the website theme again? "the" "gang" thought emo awi was neat.
tomorrow (wednesday) i think my fucking wappydog is coming. it is the only thing i care about right now i swear the fucking god.
i am so fucking tired. i still havent done the one million pieces of homework i need to do to pass all my classes. fuck. i am so fucking tired. sorry for swearing so much.
need a break. badly. at least i get one soon, i guess... whenever we get a day off, i'm going to try to force myself to not do anything physically or mentally active that day.
god, i need a hug.
- abby

hi!
i ordered tomodachi collection off of ebay and when i got the cartridge, there was a save file on it!
whoever owned this before solved a massive 3,243 problems!! their island is called HAREHARE and its look-alike is called Ayume.
here is the save data if you want it! alternate link here.
the album is 94% complete, with 571 out of the total 606 items completed!

hi cj

hello!
the past week has been okay, i guess. it was a break so that means i had time to do whatever i want, and i can honestly say that i don't really remember what i did all that much. i do remember i had CJ over and it was very short and honestly i should've been nicer to rebecca. after that i had thanksgiving and i actually very much enjoyed being there for some reason. after that we went to goodwill on friday - i got these really tacky button ups and a little TV thing you're supposed to put under your cabinet. on saturday and sunday i didn't really do anything, i woke up very late and stayed up very late. i can't believe it's already december, this year felt... awful! 2024 was a waste of time and everything's different than it was last year again. i can't believe it!
so i guess i'm still doing kind of shit like last week. i'm kind of burnt out from everything but i guess i might be doing better because i've been in fl studio more, just not really writing anything. i tried to write a little piece a bit ago but it didnt really go anywhere. idk.
thanks for reading today's blog. please comment if you like my website? see you later,
- abby

p.s. the drawings are of me, by the way. i'm not the best at art.

hi. im um. alive still. i dont really have the much to type tonight so i guess i wont type much. i'vee been doing worse recently. much worse. i dont know if ill be okay this upcoming week because i wont have school and going out and doing things will become my job. so i guess ill have to do that then i guess?
have a good Thanksgiving,
- abby

hello again woof! i hate myself kind of. maybe im just feeling unhappy because i havent eaten that much today but right now i feel very sad and i dont like it. (i should eat.)
i think i need to clean my room and vary my wardrobe a bit and then maybe ill feel a bit better? ive been wearing the same jacket every single day of the year and honestly im tired of it. i wish i had even a little bit of variation - everyone else does (especially my sister!) so its like i'm missing out or something. i feel sad.

what's been going on, though? i'm getting a domain name soon. a site redesign will accompany it... (not really... just a new theme.) i got this little tv on saturday plus some PC games and i decided to clean off my desk to fit the tv... it feels nice, because its an actual visible physical change in my environment, even if its just a little bit. it made me feel better for a little bit. that's really the only thing that happened this weekeend (other than my sister's play on friday which was really funny, imo, and much better than the weird ghost cave play and the weird love play.) i'm kind of jealous of her. she has a lot of friends (and many very good friends, it seems) and she just seems a lot cooler than me. like better room and outfits and everything. she's also much more mature (sometimes) than i am which is odd. but true. so its like.. idk. sorry. i didnt have a conclusion to this part.
i'll write more later, okay? see you...
- abby

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hello! my life has felt very weird this year. it feels familiar but also so so disconnected...
what do i have to write about today? not much. i havent been doing that much since marching band ended (thank god) and ive tried to just calm down and be happier. this weekend i spent a bunch of time trying to fix up this old windows 7 laptop i found. i had to flash a usb drive and boot off of it to change the passwords and after i did that i think i broke something -- anyways i was able to reset the thing and now i can finally play all of my old cd roms i had on it, so i get to play the sims 3 now, cool. its a slow 32-bit piece of shit so it cant really run like ANYTHING but its good enough for now, i guess, because it does play pony.town and thats really all that i wanted,

anyways i'm feeling kind of sad right now and today. idk. i guess im in a mood. see you later
- abby

hello! i'm sure you've all seen what happened.
unfortunately, i'm a trans girl, and i haven't started to transition yet. i need to start SOON incase the 47th president doesn't get assassinated. i could start DIY HRT, but i don't want to, i'd like to at least TRY to go through the legal process first. (side note: if you've done diy hrt PLEASE CONTACT ME SOMEHOW. i need help.)
my week's been just bleh. the only really notable thing is that i had friends over the 5th, that was cool. hi roger/cj if you read this. hopefully i can go to the mall this week because for some reason i've REally been wanting to go... i mostly just wanna buy a tamagotchi at barnes and nobles. or maybe a cool new book - i got a reading light specifically for my bed so i could start reading in it, but i havent done that at all. the light is too bright.
anyways i really dont have anything very interesting to blog about this week, ther than i am absolutely terrified for the next four years of my life, being an american, and i also genuinely believe that the 47th president will not finish his 4 years. you know. even if that means that his VP would become prez and not Kamala, that's okay with me, at least it's a LITTLE better, probably.

the last week (and also the last 6 months) have sucked ass!
i havent been in the halloween spirit really, sadly. hopefully i can be soon considering its literally halloween this week. did i tell you guys about the letters? i bought some letters and envelopes like a week ago. i liked sending them in animal crossing so i decided to send some in real life, and i've written two so far but sent none. i plan to try and send 3-4 at once for my first go. of course, stamps are expensive, so that's a bit of a roadblock. i really want to get a letter back so hopefully i can get some mail. i want to get mail!!!!!!
anyways, life's been more of the same lately: the weeks go by fast and i get nothing done, nothing changes for the better unless it was accompanied by spending money and things change for the worse regardless. i'm feeling really shitty about myself and my life recently and it's a hole im going to be stuck in for the forseeable future. so thats cool. are you guys ok? is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? please is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? is anyone reading this? is any o ne readding this? is arnereading this? is anyone there?

i'm not doing amazing recently
ummm.. let's see.. my weekend was, as they say, "mid as fuck". i had two band things to go to and i'm really really tired from them but i have to go AGAIN tonight (i'll probably skip). this saturday is prelims, (which i just now learned is short for preliminary), and our place then will decide if we get to go to state finals or not. there are 12 bands in our group and only 10 get to go, so if we really suck badly, we don't get to go to state next week. i'm very glad for band to finally end, i would have quit by now but by the time i really wanted to quit it'd already been too long. i kind of have to commit to it now.
anyways, i'm very disappointed (and surprised) that it's already the 21st. it seems like this month just flew by, and it seems like it's currently flying by. every day is the same, nothing changes, etc etc. my life's been getting pretty damn boring recently. and kind of sad, too. and just way too busy! i think it'll all clear up by next next week... at least a bit, i guess. maybe then i can finally rest...
and that's not even mentioning how i've been feeling emotionally, which has been a lot worse, because i guess i'm just getting depressed again. i feel like a failure and i feel empty and all these different awful things... i wish i could collapse.
anyways... see you later.. - abby.

eek!

happy halloween season! this theme will probably last for a while, i think!
i updated the website more besides that and i plan to continue to update it past this. i added buttons on the side of my friends and i updated my own, and i added an art section at the bottom that'll showcase art that i've made and been made. i plan to add a lot of little things on the sidebar so i guess be ready for that??
anyways, i played skyrim a lot this weekend and i've been kind of obsessed with it. i went on a little snack run on friday and i think i have to go on another after school today (i ran out of those little crunch bars i had that ive really been wanting a lot for some reason)
the day is going by moderately quickly i think, like wow it's already noon? fifth period is imminent! hopefully i can go home and make music later too.
anyways i'm done talking now. bye! - abby.

hi! updating a site a little more today... going to work on adding more content to it other than just this blog. i made the site loonngg so i can fit more stuff on the sidebar later (i might add buttons after updating my own button.)
i'll probably end up updating this post later so if you're reading it right now please wait a bit

hi!
you can now click the alternate font button on the sidebar to view a version of this page with the open dyslexic font, just like this sentence.* i think it works okay but i haven't tested it on my phone yet so i'll get it fully working when i can do that.
my weekend was just ok. i just stayed in bed the entire time and didn't do anything. i'm still waiting on my need for speed disc so instead of playing funny car game the whole weekend i was playing yet more skyrim. it's a huge game.. i find myself having fun even if i've already done the quest three times already, and even if i get bored, i could do a challenge playthrough (or, like, try to do jaree-ra's stupid quest with only a bow as a sniper or something) so it's fun. i've been about the same health-wise, my appetite is pretty low still. yesterday was kind of weird; a power line got knocked out because it was so windy (a tree fell over) and so i couldn't take my usual walk because the whole other end of my street was blocked off. our power was off for maybe 30 minutes, but our wifi is still down. hopefully it'll be fixed by the time i get home today (and hopefully i get my stupid car game!
i'm gonna try to get into the halloween spirit... i've never really been one for scary movies so i think i want to try and watch a few. it's so hard to put my attention on a movie these days (unless i end up loving it, like "the story of henry sugar") so i haven't been watching anything new lately. i tried watching beetlejuice but i got three minutes in before i decided that i wanted to watch south park instead. soap and germ both hate south park (i can see why) but i find some of the episodes entertaining. only the old episodes though. i havent watched any of the specials** or any of the newer episodes. anyways... i'm really excited for the halloween season, and i think i might decorate my website if i get the chance. i'm also excited to not be super duper busy in november, marching band season is ending then and i can finally fucking rest. i think. iunno. (i think i AM not taking the second semester of band as to miss concert season.) thinking of futurama a lot today.

anyways, thanks for listening to me ramble. i'll be back later this week with more thoughts and updates, it's nice to be able to pour out anything and everything that i'm thinking.
until next time,
- abby

* if you have trouble reading my blog, PLEASE comment and tell me what i could do to make it more readable.
** i think that i might have seen post-covid (both parts???) a long time ago. half related, but i also watched the casa bonita documentary and i liked it.

hi, again,
i think i've been a little bit better over the past week. i got an xbox 360 almost 2 weeks ago and i've been setting that up for the past while... i also found my old 360 from 2015, and i've been discovering what's on that again. i played a lot of skyrim and minecraft and i guess i liked the console enough to spend sixty dollars on "need for speed most wanted 2005 xbox 360 cib tested". (i dont want this!) i played it on a gamecube emulator and i really liked it so i decided to spend the money on a real copy that'd hopefully look a little better (though, for a gamecube game, nfsmw looks pretty darn good, imo.)
anyways, we're finally getting into halloween now, so i guess maybe i should start watching some scary movies? i've not seen very many, not even "the classics", so i think maybe i should finally go ahead and watch them soon just to get in the spirit. i think this year for halloween i'm going to be mario -- a more realistic take though, with (and i had to search this up) a newsboy cap and real overalls. it's been a little dream of mine to finally have the mario outfit for a long time now, so i decided i should finally do it (plus i can reuse the hat and overalls and sweater and everything seperately, so it's kind of like i'm getting free clothes (which is what i did last year! i was twilight sparkle so now i have a cute sweater and skirt.)
i've been thinking about what i wear a bit lately too. i wish i was able to wear more feminine clothes but i haven't really been able to change what i wear lately, so i just always wear a basic red hoodie and shorts, so i don't look super girly. i wish i could wear a skirt every day but now's not the time for that! maybe it will be later now that i think about it... i dunno. maybe i should go to homecoming (i dont really want to) just as an excuse to wear something cute...
so, um, anyways... i hope i make some more friends soon. i'm still pretty lonely. (i was considering not going to homecoming solely because i wouldnt have anyone to go with, and i wouldnt have anything to do.) i feel.. okay lately, i guess. i've been in slightly better health than usual lately, at least, which is good because i'm STILL sick! it's been a month! i did get x-rayed on wednesday so i think i'll be able to get my results examined next week tuesday maybe? i wish i was a dinosaur or something... or (especially) a dog or some kind of canine. did you know that's actually my neopronouns? (pup/pups)? i don't use them much. it's really just a thing i do with my friends - i wouldn't expect someone that didnt know me to use them... it feels too personal! i've never used them in real life, either. maybe one day but not right now. i don't know.
sorry for rambling your head off i had a lot to talk about this week. (wistful sigh)
love you,
-abby


(p.s. i have a boyfriend. he plays ponytown with me and he's very nice to me)

hi,
this weekend i got my new favorite little thing: a new DSi. i consider it sort of a reward for being so busy and still sick lately... i've loaded it up with games and mods and it's really just perfect. i've been using it lots and lots and one of my favorite new games for it profressor layton and the curious village. i really really like it so far, it's very charming, the puzzles are great. i've also been playing mario kart ds a ton even though i suck at it. i messed with animal crossing wild world a lot yesterday; i learned about relay stations and i got the rom for one and put it on my other ds so i was able to download one of the special mario items. you can only get six of them in the states (out of like 20?) so i just edited my save file to give myself the other items. i think you can only get all of them in japan. the last thing i did was download someone's save file off the internet and load it onto my other ds so i could join it on my main ds, and steal things from it, etc etc. i also made music for the first time in a while a couple days ago which is good. progress.
i'll see you soon. - abigail

am i supposed to be happy? or have friends? or be successful?
i'm just. lonely and . unhappy. i want to be a girl but i havent felt like one for so long that i'm completely numb and just feel so awful about the whole thing constantly. i want friends. i want to look nice. i want to be happy. i want to be a girl. none of these things will ever be true. its going to keep getting worse forever and i will run out of coping mechanisms. i cant even make music anyumore, i tried last night and i couldnt at all.

hey. ive been kind of depressed recently, so thats cool. ive also been sick for the past week. nice to deal with.
lifes been just fucking Okay recently. i kind of just want a break from everything but no end is in sight and i cannot do anything about it. i want to sleep for a long time. the thing on sunday didnt work out so now i have a bunch of shitty cds that nobody fucking cares about. who gives a shit anymore.
sorry. bye. - abby

hello again! ive been super busy and exhausted over the past few days, and it doesnt look like im getting a real break until maybe next tuesday? thats ok though! this is all my fault. ive been hard at work making cds and managing my life... i feel more adult for pushing through it, so i guess that's nice.
sunday i'm gonna be trying to sell my cds in-person at a flea market, so i hope that'll go well! i'm also going to sell some of my old nintendo junk so hopefully that goes okay. anyways... i think i want to draw more of Awi or something later, so maybe more art of her later?

anyways bye... i'm um, going now. i put some tomodachi pics on the side if you wanna see. bye. -abby

hello... im EXHAUSTED today so i might not write as much.
first, um, thank you for reading my blog! i think at least one person reads these posts and im happy you do... so thank you!
second... ugghh. im tired. this week ive been starting to try and make CDs but god is it exhausting trying to figure all of it out. theres SO MUCH i have to try and do. im also just sleepy today.. i tried using melatonin gummies to sleep for the first time last night and surprisingly i think it actually worked super well, although i feel like my sleep wasnt super great. i slept, i guess, fine, enough hours, but i just feel so sleepy today... i brought my headphones just 'cause today and i'm listening to fish whisperer by vylet pony. i havent listened to it in like two (?) years, so its, you know, memory-filled or whatever. its nice to hear the songs again. i wish it wasnt $13 though because i only have 10.

i might go to the thrift store later. i got some dollars so i might be able to go find something nice. i walk there a whole lot because its only 7 mins away, and its pretty big. even though i look in the store multiple times a week now, and even though theres only so much i can look at, it still feels like i havent looked at everything. i have, however, bought up all the good DS games... tee hee... i even bought the DS lite that was there. a broken hinge and a scuffed body for $28, though it still works!
i'm probably rambling so i guess i'll stop soon... i'm disproportionally excited for halloween, so i hope i get to really experience it this year!
thanks for reading! -abby

hi again!!! it's monday and i'm awake and happy!
ive been thinking about halloween a surprising amount lately. its weird how excited i am for it this year. ive also been thinking about DSs because i bought a ds lite a few days ago and i'm still kind of going crazy. i bought a couple cartridges too, i now have namco museum and tetris ds and both scribblenauts and i got this cool full game guide for it that i like 'cause it gave me a free poster.
in more interesting news, i've been working on a really really good song lately that i'm exhausted by but god it sounds good. i think thats mostly it...
this week i think im gonna finally invite a friend over to my house again. i'm a pretty lonely person lately, ive been taking lots more walks and stuff, but ive not been talking to many people. i'm shy and lonely! i dont have many friends. aahhhh.
i guess bye for now! update you later.

hi! i got a guestbook! sorry it's not customized right now but i'll work on it when i can.
anyways life's been ok, i think today i get to go to the thrift store near my house with a bit of money so i can actually go buy something nice. i might get a cool little game.
i've been working on music a bit more, too. i had to explain the lore of my music last night and it broke me. i should have planned it out...

if you wanted, here are my tomodachi life miis:

ok bye!!!

edit: winter wrap up is currently playing in my calculus class

hi guys! today i hd my first day of classes.. i'm really tired right now 'cause i had a big day but today i got a not jacket and a backpack and theyre all nice and pretty! ive also been better with me being a therian lately. im a girl and im awesome. my name is abigail!!!!
my name is abby and im super cool . ill post tomodachi life pictures and stuff next time i blog i think. ok bye!

writing from my phone late at night, almost 2 am. realized that right now i’m going through a lot of changes, especially as a person. the “me” that exists right now will be 100% different in a year! so it’s all temporary. i can only find consistency in trying to put the best version of myself forward as possible. i think.
in other news, i got a DSi and i’ve been loading it with games. the only real benefit is seeing dsi junk work on its intended screen and console; it looks nice, but the 3ds could already do all this! it was only $30 so not bad.
i’m gonna start blogging here, i think. this site won’t have as many big artpieces or music as my main, but that’s because i don’t like blogging on my main any more. my irl friends can see it, strangers can see it, and my family can see it. it is attached to me and too “out there” to keep blogging normally. so i’m switching to pajamas to try and be myself a lot more. i don’t want anyone i know for real to find this website. and i really hope they don’t, so i can start being weird here, too.

edit at 4pm: today i get to go laser tag in an hour. on monday, school starts again. im not excited. see u later

ive been walking more recently. yesterday i went to the library and today i went to the thrift store near my house. yesterday i made this at the library:


anyways, i think im gonna start doing that more, as in walking to the library to make art on the computers. or at least walking there to print stuff, which im gonna do tomorrow. id like to have my wall covered with junk i made so im preparing some stuff to go print out tomorrow too. in other news... my music making has actually been going good, ive been able to get my album worked on, and my Pichu finally evolved today, so its nice to have a speaking little freak that cooks wingulls like a fucking air fryer at my command.
see you tomorrow, probably.

hi! my names abby and this is my website! i think it looks good so far. i used one of repth's templates to make this thing. thank you! the character on the right is my plushfur oc! her name is Awi.
update 1: today was cool! i woke up really late and i got some work done on my projects and i played video games and i bought u b funkeys. i kind of regret it but also i also theyll be cool and theyll ship fast (and they were relatively cheap for a 17-year-old product) so its fine. i also bought pseudoregalia and super kiwi 64 so i think theyll be fun... annyways bye :3